I like to be helpful to others...connecting them with resources, relationships, spiritual truth. It feels great knowing that I've made a difference in someone's life-especially when they express their thanks.
Sometimes I just begin helping....I may clean up around the house tossing away what I believe are just extra papers, clutter etc. only to find out that the little piece of paper with chicken scratch on it that I just sent through the shredder was as valuable to my wife as the original signed copy of the Declaration of Independence.
Here's the problem: We often seek to help others in ways we envision would be helpful to us and do so without consulting those we are seeking to help. So helping becomes a huge problem. The person we're seeking to help isn't thankful, they're ticked.
The helpee may interpret our actions as communicating...
- that we know what's best in this situation-and they don't.
- a complete disregard for their perspective or desires.
- we don't believe in, trust or approve of their approach.
- we don't value them enough to communicate.
- we don't believe they are doing a good job.
When they push back we get miffed, after all we are just trying to help! Why aren't they grateful?
I'm leaning into this a little more lately......these phrases are becoming helpful to me in my helping......
What can I do to help?
How can I help?
What do you need from me?
Would this __________________ be helpful to you?
I was thinking _______________ would that make your role/job/responsibility easier?
Could I run with this ___________________ for you?
Would that be helpful to you?