Marriage is the union of two selfish people. Competing desires collide creating friction and frustration. Each person is waiting for the other to make the first move. Husbands and wives, who promised to love and cherish forever now locked in a stalemate, angry.
I've been there. Withholding affection, attention and acts of kind service because she hasn't or won't or doesn't care to. It seemed like the right thing to do--penalize her, freeze her out with cold silence, withhold what she desires most until I get what I want. Seeing this in letters makes me look like the kid who took his toys and ran home. Yeah, that'll teach her.
It teaches her that I'm selfish, immature and concerned more about me rather than her. That'll make her want to love me won't it? Stupid
What I've been learning is that the last thing I want to do should be the first thing I do.
I don't want to help with dinner, dishes or the kids homework and bedtime, I don't want to cut my workout short--I want to sit and mindlessly flip through the TV, surf the net or pretend to read the mail. I don't want to listen--I'm listened out. I don't want to fix that door/microwave/floor, cabinet that's been in "process" for months. I know what I want to do...I know what she wants me to do....and I don't want to do it. In turn she doesn't want to do what I want her to do either.
We're on the opposite sides of a carousel hopelessly spinning around.
It's my responsibility to make the first move. When I do, she feels loved, valued and cared for. In turn she'll likely express that in ways I appreciate. If the only reason for my moving toward her is for what it may do for me she'll see right through it, if my motives are sincere she'll be blessed. Ultimately, I'll be blessed in turn.
Husbands...do the last thing first.