The people at work, your family, spouse or friends are not the problem-at least not 100% of the problem. You've contributed too. Your challenge is to discover what part you need to own and then work to change the problem into potential.
Too many times we want to work on others when the real work that needs to be done is in us.
Negativity or “Let me explain why that won't work.”
No one likes a wet blanket-the mental image is enough to bring a cringe to our face. If you've spent any amount of time around the workplace, home, team or organization you've experienced the shut down that any of the following comments can bring:
Let me explain why that won't work.”
The only problem with that is...”
We've tried that before..”
Your idea, once a catalyzing force for change, has now been hijacked by unsolicited negativity. Bummer....
Is this a problem for you? Goldsmith suggests you consider how your colleagues interact with you
1. How often do your teammates come to you with helpful suggestions-without you having to ask?
2. How often do they knock on your door or stop by your office just to "shoot the breeze" with you or give you a heads up on a development that may have an impact on you?
3. How does the floor traffic around your desk compare to others? Are you a hot item or are you gathering dust on the shelf?
More than monitoring your speech-observing how people relate to you may provide proof that you have some work to do.
Speaking When Angry-Using emotional volatility as a management tool.
Anger can be effective at....
waking up sleepy people
steam rolling others and getting your way
earning you a reputation as a hot-head
shutting down relationships and burning bridges
limiting your ability to change
Anger is a secondary emotion, it's a response to something else-your job is to determine what that something else might be.
People don't make a person angry-that person decides to respond in anger.
Three things help:
1. Realize that Anger is not the other person's fault-it solely resides within you.
2. If I keep my mouth shut (don't let fly) others will never know how I feel-restraint not repression.
3. Know that the roots of my rage are not "out there" but really "in here."
Anger in and of itself isn't a bad or horrible thing-it's really how you handle your anger. As one who has raised their voice, pounded the table and even said a few choice words I've realized that my actions show how I'm handling my anger, so do the faces of those around me.
I will eat three meals today, change my clothes twice, drive to work and back home, flush more clean water down the drain than she sees in a lifetime. And God loves us both. He calls me to make a difference. Will you join me?
Telling the World How Smart We Are - the need to show people that we are smarter than they think we are.
You probably don't introduce yourself as _____________ Jones, Magna Cum Laude, carry around your report card or National Honor Society certificate. But there are things we do that let others know we believe we're just a wee bit smarter than they may think.
Subtle things, for instance:
Regularly injecting knowledge into the conversation in a condescending way: "And you know why that is don't you?"
Correcting others unnecessarily: "No, the Phoenix Cardinals were actually the Chicago Cardinals before they were the St. Louis Cardinals!"
Blurting out: "I already (knew that, had that information, heard that, took care of that, etc.) without even pausing to consider if you need say anything.
Is it time to play dumb? Not really. But you don't have to be Mr. Peabody on a regular basis. Instead of dropping facts like a human wiki why not just let the conversation go on without your input. Try saying; "Really?" or "I was unaware of that" or "Thanks, I appreciate you sharing."
Better yet, simply smile and say; "Thank you."
Do that and you'll be seen as the smartest person in the room.
I'm not sure when it happened exactly but I've developed an aversion to the phrase "over committed." Perhaps because I see it differently.
If I'm truly committed would I not ensure that my level of dedication is preserved and not sacrificed or diluted? Isn't commitment defined by focus, sacrifice and dedication? Is the ability to say "no" to many good things in order to excel at a few things a truer sign of authentic commitment?
Maybe we're not over committed as much as we are over extended.
Starting with NO, BUT, HOWEVER- The overuse of these negative qualifiers which secretly say to everyone that I'm right and you're wrong.
Creative collaboration is art and science. Sometimes an idea hits in the first few moments, often it is the result of a lot of dialogue, challenge and questioning. Limit conversation too early and it's likely that you'll miss out on the best ideas. Knowingly or not there are a few words which can sabotage and derail the best conversations and ideas.
NO, I don't think we'll be able to pull that off in time.
I hear what you're saying, BUT.....
That is a good idea, HOWEVER....
A simple rephrasing could lead to discovering the best ideas, thoughts, and strategies. Plus, you'll not be seen as a brick wall or "office jerk".
In what time frame could you see delivering that project?
I want to make sure that I'm hearing you accurately....are you saying....
I like what you're saying, what challenges will we face in implementing this initiative?
I ran across this tonight and it is my new "must have gadget" so...if any of you out there want to send me an early Christmas or B-day gift I'd be happy to give you a few props via the ole blog.
I'm just imagining the endless possibilities....instant updates from mission trips, camps, service projects, meetings, kids games. I would love for some of my World Vision friends in Kenya to get a few of these, this would make hearing from our sponsored children incredibly easy!
Until then I'm counting the days until I can secure my very on Flip Mino!